A guide for family and friends

What if your son, daughter, brother, sister, or friend finds out that they have cancer?

Here we take a look at what it's like for family and friends of young people who have cancer.

Tacking cancer piece by piece: Today

You’ve just found out your teenager has cancer.

Your world has been turned upside down. No doubt you will be experiencing many different emotions right now.

• Fear of the unknown
• Anger even with those you love at the injustice of it all
• Numbness and detachment as though you suddenly are looking at life through the wrong end of a telescope
• Some relief perhaps – if finally this answers all the uncertainties and anxieties about your child’s health
• Powerlessness because you don’t know what to do, how you can help or where to turn
• Isolation because how can anyone else possibly understand what you are going through

But you are not alone. Others have been where you are now. And you are not powerless or helpless, you are already summing inner strength you never knew you had.

All of these feelings are normal. You can survive today and tomorrow. And you can come through this like others have before you.

Tomorrow

Take one day at a time. Do only what you can.

Look at your priorities and decide to accept any help you can get.

Be prepared for changes. Your teenager or young adult will be going through the normal phases of growing up but there will be other changes too, as a result of treatment.

Friends may change. There will be emotional swings. There may also be changes on other relationships. A family in pain can put all sorts of strain on each other. Be gentle. Be patient.

Your son or daughter will swing between dependence and independence. Listen to them. Give them guidance but don’t take over. You will be amazed at how strong you can all be.

The day after

Talking to others in the same situation can be comforting and supporting. Do it when you’re ready.

You might be overwhelmed by the amount of information out there. You will learn a great deal when you’re ready. Make sure you get your information from reputable sources.

If they are over 16, legally, your son or daughter have the right to make their own decisions. Aim for a partnership between yourself, the medical profession and your youngster.

Talking to others in the same situation can be comforting and supporting. Do it when you’re ready.

You may be facing other sorts of strains – concerns about time and money. You will want to be with your son or daughter, but may have to work. Plan now to divide your time, talk to your employers, colleagues and employees. Check with your local Citizens Advice Bureau or the Hospital Social Worker about what benefits you are entitled to.

Expect change. Treatment can cause hair loss and weight loss or gain. Ask your own doctor questions about fertility early on.

You will have down days but there will be triumphs and there will be laughter and humour and that’s ok.

Right now, you might be living in a nightmare. You will find the strength to cope. Whatever you feel, its ok. Try to become more flexible. Accept help from others and take it one day at a time.

Alex and Pat

An honest, heart-warming and at times funny insight into Alex and Pat’s unique relationship as brothers, twins and not forgetting, friends. Talking about how Alex’s diagnosis changed both their lives.